The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*** by Mark Manson
Summary
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*** draws you in with the title and delivers a more profound message than anticipated. It is pretty blunt and aggressive in language, but both meshed well with my sense of humor. This book is one of the few I have fully read in a single day.
In addition to being an enjoyable read, it’s full of good points and actionable advice for how and why to narrow what you give a f*** about so you only give a f*** about what you value.
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The Book in 3 Sentences
Not giving a f*** is not about not caring but about selectively caring only about what matters to you.
Being great at something comes from acknowledging you don’t know it all and seeking to learn and improve.
Motivation comes from action, not the other way around.
How I Discovered It
Alex Fang from Belilish Creations posted about it a few years ago. Since then, I have also seen it pop up on several additional YouTube places.
Who Should Read It
I recommend this book to anyone who feels overwhelmed by the number of things they feel they are supposed to care deeply about but would rather focus elsewhere.
Biggest Takeaways
Be selective with what you give a f*** about.
If you accept that you are average at something and are willing to let yourself improve, you have a chance to become truly exceptional at it.
Innovation comes from learning about things you are willing to admit you don’t already know.
Improvement comes from repeatedly failing, from learning how not to do it.
Do something, even when not motivated. Even an action that fails can spark inspiration, which motivates and leads to further action.
Total commitment requires rejection of what the thing is not.
Your values should come from internal fulfillment, not external validation.
Actionable Advice
Identify the problems you want to solve.
Find somewhere you want to be motivated and start taking action despite lacking motivation.
Evaluate whether the things you value are internally (good) or externally (bad) motivated.
How the Book Changed Me
I’m more conscious of having fewer f***s to give, and being conscious of that has made me start to be more intentional about who I give them to.
Knowing that the Feedback Look from Hell exists, it’s easier to notice it, call it out for what it is, decide not to give a f*** about it, and move on from it.
I’ve had the idea that one of the reasons I like making things is about solving problems. My favorite projects that I’ve ever made have all been ones that solve problems in unique ways. I’ve also been struggling with why I make things (including content) lately, which has helped me realize that it’s about solving problems meaningfully. I don’t want to make things that don’t solve a problem, and I don’t want to solve the problem. I want to solve a problem in a meaningful way. Some of the enlightenment of that came directly from this book.
Lack of motivation is no reason not to take action. Jimmy Diresta has said countless times that if he’s not motivated to start a video, he’ll tell himself that he’ll film the intro. He takes action. Then, since he’s done that, he’ll usually go on to the next part of the project anyway. Once he took action, inspiration struck, which motivated him to take further action. Since this is a loop, if you’re not motivated, do something and let the motivation come from the action.
“No” is a complete sentence and a perfectly acceptable response.
Memento Mori. Loosely translated to Remember Death to Remember You Must Die. Knowing that I will die means that I need to make the most of the time that I do have in life. What decisions would I make if I knew that I would die soon rather than in the distant future? How do I want my kids to remember me? How can I leave a positive mark on the world and its people? Coming to terms with morality can bring actual values to light, so instead of including values you don’t care about, choose ones in your control that you care about and put everything into them. Leave your legacy.
Top Quotes
The key to a good life is not giving a f*** about more; it’s about giving a f*** about less, giving a f*** about only what is true and immediate and important. (5)
You can’t be an important and life-changing presence for some people without also being a joke and an embarrassment to others. (17)
Happiness comes from solving problems. The keyword here is “solving.” If you’re avoiding your problems or feel like you don’t have any problems, then you’re going to make yourself miserable. If you feel like you have problems that you can’t solve, you will likewise make yourself miserable. The secret sauce is in the solving of problems, not in having problems in the first place. (31)
… we, individually, are responsible for everything in our lives, no matter the external circumstances. We don’t always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond. (94)
If we follow the “do something” principle, failure feels unimportant. When the standard of success becomes merely acting - when any result is regarded as progress and important, when inspiration is seen as a reward rather than a prerequisite - we propel ourselves ahead. We feel free to fail, and that failure moves us forward. (156)
Honesty is a natural human craving. But part of having honesty in our lives is becoming comfortable with saying and hearing the word “no.” (166)
Confronting the reality of our own mortality is important because it obliterates all the crappy, fragile, superficial values in life. While most people whittle down their days chasing another buck, or a little more fame and attention, or a little bit more assurance that they’re right or loved, death confronts all of us with a far more painful and important question: What is your legacy? (199)
